A personal blog of connection, love and healing

It was 2 years ago today that my loving husband suddenly left his body. Wow, It has been a roller coaster ride of grief and change. I wasn’t sure what to post today but thought it might be nice to share a couple interactions Roy and I had over the past 2 years. 

For those of you who don’t know, Roy Desjarlais passed away in the hospital emergency room from an aortic dissection, a tearing of the aortic wall. When I left the hospital that night, I felt him get in the car and come home with me. His presence was so strong I could see him sitting in the passenger seat. 

Looking back, I see how our deep connection saved me. Being able to feel him and talk to him was truly a life saving gift for me. 

Sometimes when he visited we would have conversations. Other times it was more of a feeling he was there and I would receive a ‘download’ of information. 

For the 2 weeks following his death, I felt him attached at my right shoulder, his energy was palpable and solid. I was having 2 thoughts at 1 time. I could ask a question and hear his answer simultaneously. He made sure to joke and share things only Roy would say, helping me believe this was all true….real.  
I admit, It was a little crazy making to feel him so strongly. On one hand I was devastated losing him and on the hand I had a very present, invisible husband. 

One day about a month later I was pretty sad. I was walking our dog Lulu and Roy joined us. I asked him, “How are you?” he said “Really Good!” At first I was a little mad he was so good, but that quickly faded. He was really excited about all he seeing. He said, “I wish I had a camera so I could share it.” Such a Roy thing to say, because Roy took photos of everything with his camera phone, and I mean everything.  
I asked him to try to send me snap shots, like putting a Polaroid photo into my brain.
He successfully helped me “see” the polaroid. He was right, the images were breathtaking, like something you see in Star Trek. He said, “Your words and our abilities don't really grasp the beauty, expansion and incredibleness of everything I'm seeing.” 

I asked him, “What do you miss about being in a body?” He said, “He misses eating, drinking and driving- and all the aspects of why Beings come into bodies.” He misses experiencing textures, tastes and feel of the breeze on his face.” He reminded me at that time to notice the trees, the birds, the breeze, all of Nature and most of all to cherish and love the 3-D experience of a physical body. 

Fast forward…….to Thanksgiving night this year. During a meditation he came for a visit. I said, “Hi! What are you doing?” Not sure why I asked that but I guess I was surprised he came in so strongly because I had not felt him in a while. He said, “I came to help my mom transition.” I found out the next day his mother passed away the night or two before Thanksgiving. 

On that night he said, “I am going to be leaving for a while so you will move on.” 
I said, “NOOO!” He said, “It’s important for me to let go more.” I said, “I don’t like it!" I knew he was right but was still really sad, again. 

For anyone who has lost a loved one, including our fur babies, I hope this post helps give some peace knowing there is no separation between the physical world and the non-physical world. What I know for sure, is our loved ones can visit and assist, all we have to do is ask. 

As Roy would say, “Even in sadness, There Will Always Be Good in the World.”

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